TL;DR for part 1: Basically I’ve always liked things branded for babies and kids. Thought nothing of it until I became a furry and met other ABDL furs. Tried to explore it more but partner and friends at the time publicly shamed me for my interest in ABDL.
Though I just had my insecurities aired to the world and haven’t quite been the same since, it wasn’t all bad in those years leading up to now. For one, I moved out with my sister not long after. We got a big apartment with our own rooms and the best part was, we were both fairly open about our interests and shared almost all the same views and friends. This meant I was free to explore things I couldn’t before, including my little side.
It started small. I bought more plushies, a few sippy cups I could keep in the cupboard, and other various baby branded items. I was hired to work for the CushyPen and met even more amazing people. Heck I even started buying my own diapers now that I didn’t have to fear my dad asking me what was in the box. I didn’t wear them much still, not wanting to involve my sister in my personal stuff. Over all though, things were nice.
Eventually I would meet new friends; some who would even help me indulge in my ABDL side. I went to a few little meets, tried out new things, made new friends. I even ended up meeting Nano, my boyfriend of 4 years now. He’s an amazing person and always encourages me to explore my ABDL side more. He even enjoys indulging with me, something I had been missing all my life.
Even though I was beginning to open up more and was given the opportunity to explore my little side, I wasn’t. I can’t really explain it but it’s been something I’ve been aware of for years now. I just really struggle to get into little head space. It’s like there’s this invisible force stopping me from doing anything with my freedom.
I think a big part of being little for me is I almost want to do it alone. I feel embarrassed when I attempt it around others. I either feel like I’m faking it and people will call me out for being fake, or, I feel too silly and it kills the mood. Addition to this, I think a lot of this is due to the fact that my little side feels divided. I love both the feeling of being a young toddler around 2-3 but I also feel strongly about being 6-8. I have these conflicting views and driving forces in my head and it makes it hard to just slip into that space.
Recently, I’ve been trying to find a way to capture my little side, this blog even being part of that attempt. I’ve been spending a lot of free time on tumblr. Living vicariously though other little blogs there. It’s been helping me realize that I definitely identify more as a kid when it comes to ageplay and little spaces. Another thing that’s helped me lately was getting back into collecting Pokémon cards. Surrounding myself in one of the biggest parts of my childhood makes it a little easier to capture that inner child of mine.
Surprisingly, one of the biggest awakenings I had when it came to my little side was the show Clarence from Cartoon Network. That show almost perfectly portrays my childhood. Every episode seems like it was based on something I did as a kid. It’s so relatable and almost always has me feeling at least a tiny bit little. I cannot recommend it more for those who have a kid side.
Anyways, where do I go from here? I’m honestly not too sure. Sadly I’m almost a little too busy to do anything right now. Either working all day or spending what time I’m not working socializing. But with every new day, I figure out more about my little side. Maybe it’s just a puzzle and I need to find all the pieces before I can experience it to the fullest. One thing I know I need to do is just talk about it more. Hearing Sabaw mention how they didn’t know I had a little side made me want to change that. Maybe I should be more open about this.
So if anyone reading this is willing to, I don’t know, look out for more posts like this. Whether here or on my twitter. I’m still shy and I’m not sure if I’d feel comfortable talking about everything one on one yet. But seeing people read my blog posts and interact with me over on twitter really does make it easier to come out of my shell. I really appreciate you all and everyone who’s helped me along a journey of self discovery.Categorised in: Uncategorized