As I’m sure some of you have caught on by now, but I have a semi secret SFW art account. I go by Nostalgiczilla on these accounts or Circus-stunts on fa. It’s not 100% a secret but I’m not too comfortable being open about what my other accounts are on there. I do it mostly because I want a bit of a separation when it comes to my SFW art. Lately, it’s been one of my only comforts.
See, no one there really commissions me or knows me, so there’s no one to upset when I want to play with my style. I haven’t been really feeling my current art style lately and it bothers me that I can’t experiment with it. I can hear you all saying “Why not? Who cares what people think!”. But it does matter. These people who do care pay my bills. I can’t just up and change everything I draw and keep my entire customer base. So having this separate account is nice so I can just have fun.
I know you might think this sounds rude, but I’ve forgotten what it’s like to actually enjoy art, and it’s entirely due to commissions. This isn’t to say I hate commissions or working on them, not at all. Again there’s a formula of sorts I have to follow. I can only draw what people want me to draw. They pay to have it done a specific way, and that’s valid, but it means I can’t experiment, branch out and really practice on new things. At least I can’t do that with their commission. Many people who commission me do it for my style, and that’s awesome. Even though I appreciate that, it’s very, well restricting. Sure I can improve my line work, my eyes, maybe introduce a small variation on hand shapes. But I can’t deliver a painted piece inspired by Harajuku style when the person commissioned a lined and cell shaded full body.
So basically for the past five plus years, I’ve just more or less done commissions with the very rare personal piece here and there. At a rate of about 1 personal piece for every 60 commissions, it drove me nuts. I genuinely forgot what it was like to be inspired and want to draw for myself, to draw just for fun. Even drawing personal art felt like a chore I was forcing myself to do. Like a sabbatical for an artist. Then in the end, all the lack of personal art lead to me feeling like my style was stale, like I was never getting better.
See, usually all my improvements are made when I do personal art. Here I can practice on a picture that is not intended to be received by a commissioner. There are no expectations to deliver a piece someone bought with the intent of the picture looking similar to the current pieces in my gallery. But you see, the problem with improving and practicing is that you need to do it constantly. You can’t just practice anatomy for one day and see massive improvement. No, you need to do it a few times before you start seeing growth. When all you do is commissions all day long and you never take personal time to do your own thing, there’s no room for growth.
So that’s where I kind of said “Screw it!”. I know people like to be jerks and give me a hard time for having multiple accounts (please don’t mention it, it really hurts my feelings), but I made a new one. And you know what? It’s the most fun I’ve had with my art in years. I actually feel like an artist again for once. It’s hard for sure, but I can finally start healing my broken art drive.
I love all my fans and the people that support me. Not a day goes by that I don’t thank everyone for giving me the chance to make a living off of art. But it’s nice to not draw fetish content or porn sometimes. When all you draw is fetish, it feels like no one actually likes your art. It feels like a lot of people only care about the fetish and the fact that you can draw it well enough. Like if I came out tomorrow and said I’d never draw fetish art again, I really doubt a lot of people would stick by me. That’s fine and all, I can’t make you follow me. But see with my clean, fetish free art, there’s no drive to follow me other than the art. It feels like everyone who watches me genuinely just likes my art and not what they can get out of it like wank material. And again don’t get me wrong, totally not shaming people that like mature art. I do too for sure. But this just hits different. I need another outlet that just lets me enjoy drawing for the sake of creating and having fun. I need to know there’s no strings attached when it comes to liking my art sometimes. I want a place where I can just be me and not conform to what people want me to draw.
Again, I really appreciate everyone reading this and beyond. You all give me a lot. But I hope people accept that I have this new thing that brings me joy. Actually I’d love it if you followed me on this new account if you really like the art. I love knowing people like my new stuff. It’s the sprinkles on top of already reclaiming my creativity. One that only helps me be better when it comes to my art.Categorised in: Uncategorized