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Where Have I Been?

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Well first of all, I haven’t been anywhere haha. I just haven’t been on this blog forever. It makes me terribly sad because this blog was kind of a safe space for me, but depression does that to yah.

I’m sure if you’ve read any of my past journal posts you probably already know this, but I’ve been suffering from a bad bout of depression. I’ve suffered with it for most of my life, but lately it’s been on the high. It’s been coming in waves, off and on for the past few years and it makes doing anything a pain. The biggest factor in this has been my art. More specifically both my job as an artists and the art I do for myself in my off time.

With my job, I’ve been struggling to find where I want to take it. I’ve always been someone who draws pretty much everything, but lately it’s been my downfall. See, I have a Patreon both for my ABDL art as well as my NSFW art. My ABDL patreon is fine, but my other one is suffering. See, so many people join my patreon and expect something totally different from the next person to join. Some want this, some want that, and in the end, it’s just one huge mess. There’s so many people I want to please, but it’s hard when everyone wants something different. Considering the only real thing I offer aside from discounts is exclusive art, it’s impossible to create unique content every month for every fetish I’m known for. I’d have to draw dozens of unique pieces every month just to make it worth while for all of my patrons.

Then when it comes to personal art, I struggle so hard due to past trauma. I have no way of expressing myself. Then to make things worse, I’ve had several people threaten me with damaging labels just because I don’t agree with the puritan crusade online now a days. I’m too afraid to draw anything, no matter how tame. It seems like there’s always a group of people ready to tear you apart. I know it sounds so silly, but seeing how awful and vicious the online world has gotten has me too sad to do anything. It’s depressing seeing everyone acting so cruel to one another. That plus the pandemic and the dumb people it’s brought to light has me giving up on humanity.

But honestly, I don’t want to be that person anymore.

I recently got back into therapy. First time going in ages. It’s… been a bit of a god send lately. I’ve already been able to work through so much stuff in just several sittings and I only imaging it’s going to continue to improve. It’s really lifted my spirits and I feel like I have some tools now to work through this crazy life of mine. I want to talk about this some more in the future, but in the mean time, here’s this really sloppy post. Sorry guys!

I plan on posting all the journals I started but never pushed live. I have a ton of stuff saved up and I really want to share it with you all! Also, thanks for being there for me everyone!

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