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How Did I Not Realize!

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So when I was a kid, I had this friend. Let’s call her Kayla. But you see, it wasn’t just me and Kayla. We also shared a friend named Mike. So Kayla, Mike and I, as well as our friend Joey, were all super close. We mostly grew up together; from the ages of seven to well into high school.

Well see, for some reason I cannot explain, everyone shipped my friend Kayla with Mike. I guess when we were all younger, they did have a lot in common. Though that’s beside the point! The thing is, that always made me wildly jealous. I remember being a huge brat about it and how I would always “fight” for Mike’s attention. Telling people he really likes me and not Kayla. I knew I was being annoying and making everyone uncomfortable, but I couldn’t stop.

But today, while I was showing, I started thinking about Kayla again. Then, it suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks. While recalling those memories, it suddenly occurred to me that I never once liked Mike. I was mad, jealous, and wanted to win of Mike over so Kayla would be free. It seems so obvious to me now that I look back on it. I feel so embarrassed. Even back then I was clearly gay!

I’m not upset though. I was just a little kid and if we were still close throughout our adult lives, I wouldn’t be interested. Still, it’s crazy to think how hard I was crushing on her back then. Funny, because lately I’ve had a lot of dreams with her in it recently. I think it’s because when I get high, I think of my childhood a lot. Since we were so close back then, she comes every so often. I think my subconscious wanted me to realize this information for a while now haha. It’s just wild to think I was experiencing being LGBTQ+ even back then.

Glad nothing came of it though. Because then I would have never have met my wonderful partner!

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